I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
