I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
