It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
