I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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