just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
