At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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