did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
