if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
