Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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