im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
