I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
