try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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