Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
