I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
