whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
