I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
