What did we do last night that was yellow?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
