hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
