***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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