I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Still dying that you shit outside
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
