I feel great
I just peed on a car
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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