So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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