is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
