i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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