My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
