How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
