omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
