I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
