you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
