Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
