I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The power of my boobs compel you
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
