I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
