Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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