Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
