I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
