so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
