so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
