We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
