its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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