I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
