You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
