Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
