shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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