Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
