I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
