my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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