I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
