Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
