idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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