Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
