Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
